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A strange and unusual creature has been spotted on the north side of Bluffton recently.
It is a thing not seen in these parts since the days of muddy dirt roads and horse drawn carriages.
It is a thing called: TRAFFIC.
Traffic, also known as “Congestion”, the “Time Killer”, the “Time Waster” and the “Reason I Was Late To Work”, is normally relegated to larger metropolitan areas, like Carmel and Fishers.
It has come to my attention some of you have never experienced traffic before and are confused by what it is and why it is.
Allow me to explain.
Due to the big repaving project on Ind. 1 north, traffic has come to Bluffton.
Cars, and unfortunately their drivers too, have been forced to slow to a crawl, stop and wait as giant pavers, steam rollers and bull dozers scrape the existing pavement and replace it with a shiny smooth surface.
You will likely see a dozen or so folks in bright yellow jersey’s waving at cars, shouting for drivers to “slow down” and generally looking hot and very, very miserable.
This is perfectly normal.
Of course, unlike most traffic congested areas of the country what you likely will not see in Bluffton is one driver shooting at another.
This happens primarily in New York ad Los Angeles where frustrated drivers resort to any means necessary to gain a few inches on their competitors.
In Bluffton, since Ind. 1 is just two lanes anyway, there isn’t much point in gaining a few inches. We’re just going to end up in Fort Wayne at one point or another, so what’s the rush?
As an experienced dodger of traffic I would like to share a few pointers with those of you who are new to this:
1. Never shake your fist at the driver behind you. Objects in the rearview mirror are larger than they appear. And closer. And usually much more prone to violence.
2. Always slow down before you approach the construction zone. The workers don’t appreciate it when you only slow down to 70 mph. It is important to note all steam rollers and pavers are now equipped with mounted machine guns for drivers who refuse to be cautious.
3. Traffic doesn’t last forever. If you feel frustrated waiting for the worker to wave your vehicle forward, just do what I do: Turn up the radio really, really loud and try not to think about it.
by JERRY BATTISTE
jerryb@news-banner.com
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