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Being funny is one thing. Being funny in an article, on deadline, is something else entirely.
Last night I’m thinking I had all my stories turned in for today. With nothing to worry about I settled in to watch some television, relax and get to bed early.
This morning, As I am in the shower getting ready for work, I realize I haven’t written my column.
That’s a problem. Not a “oh no, I got soap in my eyes” kind of a problem. An “oh no, Mark’s gonna fire me” kind of problem.
It’s hard to be funny on deadline, folks. It just is.
Spontaneous humor in real life is simple enough. It only takes a few seconds to say “Pull my finger.” The result usually happens even faster than that.
Banana peels on the sidewalk. There is a bit of a delay as we wait for some unsuspecting passerby to step on it, but once they do, the resultant hip-breaking is over in no time.
Timing is everything. Or lack of timing.
Think of the funniest things you’ve ever heard or seen and chances are they happened in a flash.
Howie Mandel and Robin Williams can say more funny things in 60 seconds than I can imagine in an hour.
It took me more than 60 seconds to write that sentence. Not counting the time I needed to go online and look-up how to spell “Mandel.”
Be honest: The best parts of America’s Funniest Home Videos are when someone gets an unexpected shot in the groin. Right?
That usually doesn’t take more than a second. In fact, most of the time people miss the best part so they have to rewind the action and play it in a loop — with appropriate sound effects inserted.
The very best limericks are usually not more than a handful of words with a couple dirty bits inserted for laughs.
Like that old fellow from Nantucket. Hilarious little story, but what kind of place is that, anyway? Definitely not taking the kids there for summer vacation.
No, humor is something that needs to happen quick. In little bursts of funny. Not the sort of thing that lends itself to a weekly newspaper column.
I only have 15 minutes to be funny today and I just don’t think I can do it.
Oh, wait. Time’s up.
by JERRY BATTISTE
jerryb@news-banner.com
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