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People collect strange things.
I once knew a man who collected owl-related stuff.
Toys, pictures, bric-a-brac. He had more than 1,100 items with owls on them. Nearly 400 coffee mugs alone. Even I don’t drink that much coffee!
His house was more than a little creepy. Most of the stuff just sat on shelves. Unused, practically useless dust collectors, if you ask me.
I’m not nearly that insane. Yet.
However, if you’ve seen me around town, you might have noticed my assortment of strange and unique ties.
Star Wars, Star Trek; Daffy Duck, Mickey Mouse and The Tick; Renoir and Picasso.
I have a tie for almost every occasion, including two for Halloween, one for Christmas, and several generic solid color and striped ones for important meetings — like whenever the boss wants to see me, or when I have to visit a church.
I am not exactly sure how I managed to come by so many ties. It just kinda happened.
Like the way some guys wake up one day and discover they are suddenly bald. I woke up one day and discovered I had more ties in my closet than I had shirts, slacks, shoes, socks and underwear combined.
This seems to delight some folks. Especially the guys who pride themselves on not wearing ties.
I call them slackers.
I, on the other hand, enjoy my ties. I enjoy dressing nice, but with a twist.
Why settle for looking stately and professional when you can look like a half-crazed Wall Street broker instead?
Plus, I have such a wide selection I can now coordinate my ties with things that are going on in my life.
When NASA lands a probe on Mars, I have a tie for that.
It’s the anniversary of the death of Mel Blanc?
I have a tie for that.
Looking for a link between me and the old television show “Have gun, will travel?”
I even have a tie for that. And the hat, for that matter.
Dalmatians, Speed Racer, Elvis and more. I have a tie to go with anything.
The question that always comes next is, why?
What would cause me to accumulate such a strange collection, and why would I enjoy wearing a rope around my neck all the time anyway.
Fact is, I once had a number of employees working for me who enjoyed getting me things. Since I refused to suggest gifts, they all settled on ties.
And as far as the ‘rope around my neck’ well, there’s something to be said for being constantly over-dressed:
At least it gets me noticed.
by JERRY BATTISTE
jerryb@news-banner.com
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