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Bad news: Ed McMahon died this week.
The good news: Abe Vigoda is still alive!
McMahon, 86, was the longtime sidekick to Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show and as the host of Star Search launched the careers of many performers, including Britney Spears.
Vigoda was on the old sitcom, Barney Miller; he was in the classic movie, The Godfather; and he has appeared in numerous other films and television specials.
Unfortunately, his claim to fame has always been looking like he was on death’s doorstep — not the best attribute for a public figure.
Since the publication of a People magazine article in 1982 which incorrectly stated he was dead, Vigoda has been actively assuring people he is in fact, still alive.
If you still doubt me, visit the Abe Vigoda status page at www.abevigoda.com
As of Wednesday he was still alive and well, thank-you-very-much.
In fact, at 88, he still plays handball, lives on Manhattan’s Upper East Side and was a recurring guest on Late Night with Conan O’Brien, including the finale.
Personally, I’d be a little miffed if people kept mistaking me for dead, unless it was the Internal Revenue Service.
It’s not that I have a vendetta against the IRS. It’s just that we all know everybody hates them so they’re an easy target.
Anyway, back to Ed McMahon.
I was saddened to hear he had passed away, although frankly I thought he had died a few years back. I felt bad about mistakenly believing McMahon was dead when in fact he was alive, so to make amends I took up the cause of making certain everyone knows Abe Vigoda is not dead.
I now send daily updates to my editors keeping them apprised of Vigoda’s health.
Last night I called Vigoda at home, around 2 a.m. to make certain he was still with us.
“Abe, how’s the ticker?” I asked. (Since I’ve called him so many times, we’re on a first-name basis.)
I now know from the restraining order I received from the New York City Police Department that he is.
He also changed his phone number.
Dead people don’t normally file restraining orders, change phone numbers or hire hit men to take out crazed fans, so Vigoda must be feeling fine.
My father is also still alive despite a series of open heart surgeries.
I call him regularly to check on his health.
“Dad, you still alive?” I ask.
“I’m talking to you on the phone, aren’t I?” he said.
And then he filed a restraining order against me.
by JERRY BATTISTE
jerryb@news-banner.com
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